*Brothers, Let Me Show You How To Know The Right Lady For You In The Next Few Minutes!!*
(by Apostle Joshua Selman)
Brothers, I beg you in the name of Jesus, the son of the living God. It is better to have a broken relationship.
In fact, don’t break relationship, end them! It’s better to have an ended relationship than to have a scattered appealing marriage. Why?
What do you look for in a lady?
Number 1. God fearing.
God fearing is the same for both male and female. God fearing! Exact same definition as in the man. Nothing changes. Gender irrespective. The same God fearing. God fearing, meaning you respect God.
Many ladies don’t respect God. They respect themselves; they respect society; they respect every other thing but God. There are ladies who pride themselves in being “bad girls”, even if they are in church.
They are happy when they look at you and say “you’re a bad girl” then they smile “how we go do”. If you’re a bad girl, [it’s very bad]. it’s not a good comment.
You know many ladies feel guilty [you know], listen, I am saying this from the depth of my heart. Many sisters – innocent church sisters, they feel guilty[listen] for being innocent.
You know society makes it look like your eye has not opened, you’ve not been sleeping around, you’ve never drank in your life? [ahn ahn]. You don’t have a boyfriend; you are 20 years? [ahn ahn].
You mean this is this… this is how your life is?… and they make ladies feel guilty for being innocent. They look and say, “she is a small girl, she is just growing old.
Come to us we we we, we that are less than 20”. You are happy for being bad? It’s a different thing if it’s your past. Jesus has helped you now or at least will help you this night. Are we together?
A woman who is not God fearing will have her husband and her sponsor. That’s how she will marry. There is a husband and the sponsor.
What is a sponsor for? Rainy days. What is the husband for? Every other day. So once the going gets tough, she calls.
Do you know how many women- married women, still call those who were their ex-husband, or ex-boyfriend or ex-sugar son or whatever it is… and call the person after many years.
A woman with 5 children still calls one small boy somewhere, “how are you?”, reporting her husband to the small boy and the small boy says, “how will we do nah?” can we meet in so so club, at the back of that tree, just the one we used to meet before”. You are married!
The average lady still has affiliations with her past relationships, even in her marital home. I will say it o. my name is Joshua Selman.
The average lady still has affiliations. I tell you this, you know I am not lying. Some of you as you are looking at me, you know it’s true.
Although you may be married, but you still call John. And it’s not just “brotherly, how is the family? is the family OK? “, “no john, I need help, you have to help me.
This my husband, you know he is a stupid man. As it is always, we know ourselves. No problem. John, can you do the transfer now?”
Praise God. That’s why they are not faithful. That’s why they are not desperate to change their husbands. When they come for prayer meetings like this and they say “if you husband is not doing well, pray”. They are not praying.
They know the prayer will be answered and they are not interested. So, they rather just see other people pray and you see the woman just playing, just looking around.
Because, whatever happens, there is a [well, they don’t say concubine for a man, abi?]. Somebody somewhere – an affiliate, who they are waiting for.
Number 2: Submission
What should you look at in a woman? A woman who is submissive to the man at all times, [underline at all times].
I don’t have a problem with submission, but when? At all times. Convenient or not. Submission has never been a choice.
Write it down. That’s your own part. “oh Apostle, you don’t know how foolish my husband is”, don’t worry, I am coming, I’ve not finished. For now, just know your own role. Submit!
Submission is a difficult thing, [listen], ladies look at me, let me tell you a big secret: submission is a risk. I
It is a risk. You don’t know the man too well, no matter how long you have been going out. Submission is a risk.
When you marry you will discover so many other things you never knew. Submission is by faith, and it is a risk. It’s a risk.
You’ve not seen what the man can do when he has money. You’ve not seen what the man can do when he doesn’t have money.
You’ve not seen what the man can do when his job is under pressure.
You’ve not seen what he’s done when he is promoted to a CEO, yet the bible says,” submit!”.
Submission is a risk; you need the holy spirit to do it. that’s why you have your part to make sure that the authority you submit to has been vetted thoroughly by God. Hallelujah.
You must submit to the man at all times. When ladies refuse to submit to their husband, they say “he is not man enough”.
That’s not what the bible teaches. The bible did not teach that you should submit to “man enough” men.
“Apostle, he is not providing anything, I am the one bringing the money, I’m the one paying the school fees”. I am not stupid, I know.
Be word compliant. I can only judge disobedience when your obedience is complete.
There are ladies who want the men[listen], and sisters please hear me, most of us, this mindset came from our mothers and parents generally and We must correct it.
The idea that a man must prove that he is capable, then I will now submit to him [enheenn]. You are a hypocrite.
You are doing exactly what his secretary is doing in the office. Who will not submit to a man who gives you food? If I buy you a plate of food, won’t you greet me like this the next time?
That’s what you want your husband top do. There’s a difference between your husband and other people. I know you don’t like what I’m saying but it’s the bible.
Remember, we agreed that we are going to submit to God in all things; that’s the bible.
Submission is hard. I never said it is easy, I never said it is easy. You will be a fool submitting, it’s hard, but it’s the truth because there are times it will not make sense.
Your friends will look at you and say, “you are stupid. Why are you doing this? Your husband does not deserve you”. It’s true but that is it.
That’s why for those of you who are not married and those of you who are not in a relationship, thank God. All this rush, “I want to enter relationship, my blood is hot”, you will thank God now for this message, because the relationship you would have entered would be the beginning of disaster- no guidance.
Submit to the man at all times. It starts from the relationship, not when you get married, it starts from the relationship. I know submission is not foolishness but the bible instructs it.
You see why mentor ship is good. See why I spoke about a spiritual authority? Because if you are playing your role well, and the man is not doing his thing, you have the right.
That party that has been authorized can come in and say, “ no no no” the wife is doing her part well and because the man submits to authority, he will listen. If it is deliverance, they will cast the demon out.
If it is counseling, they will manage his pressures at the moment. But when you are submitting to a man who does not submit to God, does not submit to authority, you are in trouble – big trouble.
What is number 3? [Let’s hurry up]
Number 3: Hospitability
What kind of woman should you marry brother? A woman who is sacrificial and hospitable. Sacrificial and hospitable.
In the 21st century, you marry a woman who cannot sacrifice, you’ve married disaster. there are many ladies [who like] who cannot inconvenience themselves for the growth of their homes, No. Hallelujah.
The moment the man loses his job, the wife changes, she can’t love him again.
There are many people I counsel and it’s sad the way their wives treat them when things are not going well. “oh, he just got a house, he just got promotion”, “my husband, my husband”.
They just blackmailed him and this and that happened, and they demoted him, she won’t refuse but you will see the body language: “honey, why nah? You know I don’t like plantain”; “please don’t disturb me.
In this house when you bring money they cook well”. Some minimal statements. You have started communicating. It’s a terrible thing.
Please hear what I am saying, the lord is speaking very seriously. Never submit to a man because he has money or because he does not have money, the bible never does that. The bible never instructs that.
So, choose whether you want marry or not, thank God marriage is not compulsory but if want to do it God’s way, you must submit.
There’s no excuse for rebellion. It’s a terrible thing when women gather together with their friends; now I know, I understand that there are times when women sit down and talk to comfort themselves but there are women who are perpetually in a habit of sitting with groups.
If they travel to this state, there’s a group and they sit down and they lambast their husbands, talk all kinds of nonsense, reveal family secrets, bedroom secrets – that are not for the consumption of the public, and when they finish, they come back and expect all those women to respect the men, they will not!
Your man had a challenge and maybe had an affair with a lady. He has apologized, a man of God came in and they managed the situation.
It is only you and the pastor who has managed the situation, you now carry your mouth; you run it from UK to London.
Everybody knows your husband once had a challenge and one day they look at him and the day he annoys the person who knows that secret, the person will go and publish something. In 1971, [ you see them doing it in America],
When God is about to bless somebody, somebody will just come crying on TV saying’ “look, I remember what he did to me, this and that…” Because we don’t keep quiet!
The bible says, “even a fool, when he is silent is regarded wise”. the bible tells every woman to cover her head.
There is a dimension of physical covering but there is a dimension of spiritual covering. Cover your head – the head over your life. Protect him (2x). he is vulnerable, protect him. [Are you getting blessed?]
Listen, no matter how rich you are, no matter how blessed you are, a time must come in your relationship and your marriage when you will need sacrifice. Is that true? Sacrifice!
There will be times when God can give an instruction, “Promise, sow that 3-bedroom flat that you built and go to a rented apartment”. I don’t teach irresponsibility, but there are times God will give that instruction and for those times it will require sacrifice.
There are times, because you want a good education of your child, you will constrain certain things, “please, we cannot go to London on vacation, one day we will go, but for now we cannot go.
Let us use that money to train our children”. But there are many women they won’t hear.” Other women are going, even those who are your juniors in office but we are here”. No, Unhealthy comparison!!!
Hospitality. I don’t want to talk about that. Sadly, there are ladies who are not hospitable at all. You buy buns together with a friend.
You are gisting with the friend, you eat the buns, eat second one, eat the third one, squeeze the leather and throw way and say, “kai, this buns sef is not very sweet”.
You never give, even to say “please take”. You give them once, if they say, “no”, you refuse because you never meant to give it. Stingy attitudes! And that kind of thing translates in the home.
Visitors will come to your house and sit down for hours. They are discussing critical issues with your husband.
There are even women, men of God will come to their house, they won’t do anything, when the man is about going, they say “ahn ahn, when we are warming rice?”, please I stayed in your house for two hours. Warming which rice? Even if you are cooking, it will be done by then.
Ladies, listen(3x), please don’t laugh, it is a serious thing. It starts from your attitude in the hostel; your pot is your own, your corner is your own, your everything is your own, your shoe is your own, your water is your own, your bible is your own, your bed sheet is your own, that’s how everything will be your own, even when you get married, you’ll demarcate it.
“Husband, this section of the house is for me, this one is for you, this one is for the children “.
There are many people who cannot give. They like taking but they cannot give. “me? Ever buy anything for a guy? Over my dead body!
He will keep buying for me o” because to buy 200 naira recharge card, you say “what will I do? He is already rich, he is the one that ask me, I didn’t ask him”.
All those stupid Nigerian film-type wise saying that many people imbibe and keep using to destroy their lives. No sir! Sacrifice. Say sacrifice. We must learn to sacrifice.
Many ladies feel ashamed being sacrificial. They feel cheap being sacrificial. We have been indoctrinated by a society that makes women feel cheap when they have to sacrifice.
So, they come to a guy and honestly speaking, all this guy has is a small room and all of that, but God is helping him.
But no no no that attitude of sacrifice is not there. “I want tomorrow now(2x). they say we should do this and that, I need 90,000 from you and the brother says, “honestly, I don’t have anything now, you know it, you can check my ATM”.
You won’t hate him, but your body language. There are many relationships I have counselled, the moment the guy does not have money, he’s in trouble.
You will see the language of the lady. One month before, he gave her 10,000 as if he’s your father.
You called your physical father, he said he won’t give you anything, you now call somebody you are going out with and you want to swallow him. “only 2000, OK, I am grateful”. You have said you are grateful but your body language for that remaining 1 month is…[Kai] is being shameless. It’s not good training. Hallelujah.
You come into the life of a man you did not contribute anything, yet just because he loves you, you want to sit down at the throne of his heart and control his ATM and control his destiny.
The only person permitted to occupy that position is Jesus. Are we together?
There are many brothers suffering under the hands of ladies and women and wives in many respects, who cannot be patient. You don’t eat tomorrow today. [Are you getting blessed?]
Brothers, the last thing is now the physical factor. Have you seen that it is now I even brought the physical factor. It must be in that order.
That’s when you can look at every other thing you want to look at: is she beautiful? Is she all of these things?
Listen, as I have known God more, truly let me tell you this, and as I have received mentor ship from men and women and elderly people who have walked in this life,
I’ve found out that all this physical things are important, but sincerely let me tell you the truth from the depth of my heart, they would fade like a leaf.
They will fade and vanish like a leaf. I have counselled very beautiful women whose husbands pounded their faces like whatever and drove them out without praying about it. If the entire reason why you are attracted to a woman is physical, you are in trouble. You are in trouble.
I was in Jos when I went to see my parents at the beginning of this year, I happened to go and visit one man, he used to be my principal and that was the advice he gave me before he knelt down and I will pray for him.
Brothers and sisters, let me tell you one truth, be careful. I am not saying physical things are not important, but when your concentration on physical beauty, or attraction or looks or physique or shape or whatever it is supersedes the fear of God [are we together now], supersedes the fear of God, [what’s the second one], supersedes submission to the man, supersedes whatever… you’ve had me say it again.
You just come and meet a lady, there are serious issues, maybe in family of 10 and all of them are non-Christians [you know what I mean] and she’s the only Christian.
She’s saying, “sorry o, this is the family you are going to be… [you didn’t settle down to pray] you say no problem you are too fine for me to let you go.
You are in trouble. She says, “my mother is a witch”, you say “okay I love you like that”, “I am telling you she’s a traditional…”, “I know… don’t worry there is koinonia, there is miracle service”.
And people get a lot of casualties. “Sorry ehhnnn [man of…] my brother, I need to tell you something, I was born with some kind of deficiency, honestly, I am physically not able to take in – I can’t have a child”. “that’s a little [what is children?], the most important thing is love for you.
You now drive yourself and get married and after 2years you want to kill her as if she didn’t tell you.
Please spiritualize your process of getting a wife. Don’t be carnal.
Don’t sit with brothers and say, “you look at this one, what can you say…?” it depends on who you are talking to.
If you are talking to a brother who is not born again, you are in trouble.
He will give you the counsel of Ahithophel and after 2 years you will be surprised to see that beauty can fade. Say “amen”.
God fearing, submissive at all times, sacrificial and hospitable.
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